There is no malice in her
All the little wounds she brings
are accidental or providential,
but always inadvertent
symptoms of her misery
And yet I die from a thousand little cuts
but somehow continue to breathe
To walk, to work, to sleep
or not to sleep,
perchance to dream
Living on, if dead
wondering
Is this Hell ...
or just the rest of my life
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
6/25/10
For you, I would give my life, he said
Yes, she agreed, but ...
would you give something you valued?
Yes, she agreed, but ...
would you give something you valued?
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Two poems
Vanishing, 6/24/10
She is always
Vanishing
Leaving nothing but a ghostly image
burnt across the retinas
of my imagination
She disappears
until she again returns
If only as a thought, a wish
a longing, a promise
For again,
she has vanished,
has gone,
and again,
I am without
Light from Another Room, 6/23/10
Seen through the crack in a door not fully closed
Creating shadows where it is absent
but no real illumination in its presence
A sliver, a wedge
There only to present a contrast
to the darkness
Nothing more
She is always
Vanishing
Leaving nothing but a ghostly image
burnt across the retinas
of my imagination
She disappears
until she again returns
If only as a thought, a wish
a longing, a promise
For again,
she has vanished,
has gone,
and again,
I am without
Light from Another Room, 6/23/10
Seen through the crack in a door not fully closed
Creating shadows where it is absent
but no real illumination in its presence
A sliver, a wedge
There only to present a contrast
to the darkness
Nothing more
Monday, June 21, 2010
Numb 6/22/10
Numb
Is how she wants to be
So that she won't have to feel
and everything will fall away
Numb
It's how I have been
but no more
I'd rather live the pain
than know it's there, unnoticed
For pain is the warning against the burn
Better felt
Though it hurts so much
than to be nothing
but numb
Is how she wants to be
So that she won't have to feel
and everything will fall away
Numb
It's how I have been
but no more
I'd rather live the pain
than know it's there, unnoticed
For pain is the warning against the burn
Better felt
Though it hurts so much
than to be nothing
but numb
6/21/10
APOSTATE 6/21/10
Looking away from Eden's Gates
with a long road before me
and an empty place growing
where once there was ... what?
Belief? Hope? A promise?
Once a fool
Now, a sage?
Hardly
Only an apostate
feeling the vacuum
that was once faith
Looking away from Eden's Gates
with a long road before me
and an empty place growing
where once there was ... what?
Belief? Hope? A promise?
Once a fool
Now, a sage?
Hardly
Only an apostate
feeling the vacuum
that was once faith
The Dry Wash, 6/20/10
The expanse
Broader than anything I’ve ever known
Except for maybe the distance between us
Not like the canyons I have loved
But rock strewn and arid
A gulf separating the hills
Waiting for the rains
And what then?
A torrent raging
But now, just a dry place
Broader than anything I have ever known
Except for the distance between us
Regret, 6/19/10
I regret
therefore I am
HAIKU, 6/18/10
And then there is love
Sweet sweet miserable love
It's all that I know
MUSE, 6/17/10
Words strung together
to express a thought as yet unknown
A simple melody
a line of notes
or chord change
A minor to F maj 7th
Simple line across canvas
a dash of paint or a charcoal smudge
to find a way
to move the world
make the girls weep
bringing wonder and marvel
and perhaps, just perhaps
to live on for the ages
SLEEP, 6/16/10
Maybe someday
I'll sleep again
through the night
without waking to look
longingly
at the morning star
Maybe someday
but no time soon
For now I'll be awake
and see the star
Venus as she moves
and think of you
HAIKU, 6/15/10
I would give the world
my life, my heart and my soul
just to hear her laugh
The expanse
Broader than anything I’ve ever known
Except for maybe the distance between us
Not like the canyons I have loved
But rock strewn and arid
A gulf separating the hills
Waiting for the rains
And what then?
A torrent raging
But now, just a dry place
Broader than anything I have ever known
Except for the distance between us
Regret, 6/19/10
I regret
therefore I am
HAIKU, 6/18/10
And then there is love
Sweet sweet miserable love
It's all that I know
MUSE, 6/17/10
Words strung together
to express a thought as yet unknown
A simple melody
a line of notes
or chord change
A minor to F maj 7th
Simple line across canvas
a dash of paint or a charcoal smudge
to find a way
to move the world
make the girls weep
bringing wonder and marvel
and perhaps, just perhaps
to live on for the ages
SLEEP, 6/16/10
Maybe someday
I'll sleep again
through the night
without waking to look
longingly
at the morning star
Maybe someday
but no time soon
For now I'll be awake
and see the star
Venus as she moves
and think of you
HAIKU, 6/15/10
I would give the world
my life, my heart and my soul
just to hear her laugh
Friday, June 18, 2010
Want, 6/14/10
Want to need
Need to desire
Desire to something more
and always
There is you
6/13/10
We walked the world
like gods and heroes
of another age
What we wanted we took
What we couldn't have
we destroyed
We were young
and we were fools
and now amongst the wreckage of our design
we live on
perhaps not wiser
but closer to wisdom
and at last aware
of our mortality
MORE 6/12/10
It was my first word
and what I have always craved
more booze
more joy
more love
And it is what has been missing
since my first word
What is enough when there is only ...
more
LAMENT 6/11/10
My heart will break
And in breaking I will see the world as it is
not as I want it to be
And that, in the end,
is worse than death
Lost Dreams of the Fallen, 6/10/10
We live on
biding eternity
lounging in outdoor cafes
and all night coffee shops
drinking wine as the morning passes
or cheap cups'o'joe throughout the night
We stay in rented rooms or cheap motels
in the outlands
where we belong
at least in a way
We watch a world we can never have
and cannot love
dreaming of heaven's fall
and all that was lost
Copyright Ryan Cole, 2010
Want to need
Need to desire
Desire to something more
and always
There is you
6/13/10
We walked the world
like gods and heroes
of another age
What we wanted we took
What we couldn't have
we destroyed
We were young
and we were fools
and now amongst the wreckage of our design
we live on
perhaps not wiser
but closer to wisdom
and at last aware
of our mortality
MORE 6/12/10
It was my first word
and what I have always craved
more booze
more joy
more love
And it is what has been missing
since my first word
What is enough when there is only ...
more
LAMENT 6/11/10
My heart will break
And in breaking I will see the world as it is
not as I want it to be
And that, in the end,
is worse than death
Lost Dreams of the Fallen, 6/10/10
We live on
biding eternity
lounging in outdoor cafes
and all night coffee shops
drinking wine as the morning passes
or cheap cups'o'joe throughout the night
We stay in rented rooms or cheap motels
in the outlands
where we belong
at least in a way
We watch a world we can never have
and cannot love
dreaming of heaven's fall
and all that was lost
Copyright Ryan Cole, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
6/6 to 6/9/10
Blue Sky, Sunday Morning 6/9/10
It should've rained
Storms should have raged
against the follies of heaven
Or a dark fog blanketing the world
a grey coat of despair
where we could hide our shame
There should've been mist in the morning sky
to paint things in a softer light
It should've been but no
There was a blue sky
that Sunday morning
bathing the world in warmth and joy
when everything changed
and you told me goodbye
Tom Waits Girl 6/8/10
She will forever be
my Tom Waits girl
Whenever I hear his sad, romantic songs
I will think of her
and whether I weep or smile
will depend on the song
and my memories
of my Tom Waits girl
6/7/10
I love the lonesome sounds
the train whistle
the buoy's bell
the fog horn on a misty night
The passing sound of a lone car
driving on a winding road at 3 a.m.
They are the music of my life
a symphony for all the orphans
in rented rooms and coffee shops
cubicles and cubbyholes
for all the liars and losers and the lost
like me
Exile 6/6/10
Will I someday grow to love
this hot dry place
Will it find its way into my soul
Or will the ocean always claim me
Call to me
Haunt me
For I have known it all my life
The taste of salt on my lips
The damp touch of the spray
The intermitent roar
Perhaps, someday
I will love this hot dry place
but the Pacific will always hold my soul
Copyright Ryan Cole, 2010
It should've rained
Storms should have raged
against the follies of heaven
Or a dark fog blanketing the world
a grey coat of despair
where we could hide our shame
There should've been mist in the morning sky
to paint things in a softer light
It should've been but no
There was a blue sky
that Sunday morning
bathing the world in warmth and joy
when everything changed
and you told me goodbye
Tom Waits Girl 6/8/10
She will forever be
my Tom Waits girl
Whenever I hear his sad, romantic songs
I will think of her
and whether I weep or smile
will depend on the song
and my memories
of my Tom Waits girl
6/7/10
I love the lonesome sounds
the train whistle
the buoy's bell
the fog horn on a misty night
The passing sound of a lone car
driving on a winding road at 3 a.m.
They are the music of my life
a symphony for all the orphans
in rented rooms and coffee shops
cubicles and cubbyholes
for all the liars and losers and the lost
like me
Exile 6/6/10
Will I someday grow to love
this hot dry place
Will it find its way into my soul
Or will the ocean always claim me
Call to me
Haunt me
For I have known it all my life
The taste of salt on my lips
The damp touch of the spray
The intermitent roar
Perhaps, someday
I will love this hot dry place
but the Pacific will always hold my soul
Copyright Ryan Cole, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
6/3-4-5/10
Requiem 6/5/10
I no longer live in Ocean Park
though I am never far from that place
It is always inside me
the foundation upon which everything is built
Santa Monica
Where I was born
Where I watched my mother die
It will always be my home
and if I spend the rest of my life
living in the spaces in between
Still it will remain
a haven, a promise
and as for me,
I will be living in hope even if I no longer live
in Ocean Park
Shelter 6/4/10
Shelter she offered
so briefly given
but how could it be
when she was the tempest
and I was the aftermath
WWTWD 6/3/1o
In the bleakest of times
When the world seems destined
to fall
I ask myself
"What would Tom Waits do?"
And usually
things feel alright
I no longer live in Ocean Park
though I am never far from that place
It is always inside me
the foundation upon which everything is built
Santa Monica
Where I was born
Where I watched my mother die
It will always be my home
and if I spend the rest of my life
living in the spaces in between
Still it will remain
a haven, a promise
and as for me,
I will be living in hope even if I no longer live
in Ocean Park
Shelter 6/4/10
Shelter she offered
so briefly given
but how could it be
when she was the tempest
and I was the aftermath
WWTWD 6/3/1o
In the bleakest of times
When the world seems destined
to fall
I ask myself
"What would Tom Waits do?"
And usually
things feel alright
Thursday, June 3, 2010
8 poems
6/2/10
What kind of fool decides in his forties
that what he really wants to be
is a poet
Fortune's foe?
A friend to all follies?
What kind of fool?
This kind
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
Balance 6/1/10
Standing on an edge
wondering about the fall
feeling the wind against my face
thinking about a time long ago
if not very far away
perhaps this too shall pass
but for now
I am balanced
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
For Jennifer F. 5/31/10
Motionless
Yet with fire and movement
She holds the pose
relaxed, never stiff f
illing the canvas with life
and creating art
out of stillness
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
A Haiku 5/30/10
Night blooming jasmine
drifting in the air tonight
and I think of you
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
Lets Get Lost 5/29/10
Lets get lost
Lets run away
though there are no circuses left to join
We'll create our own
just you and I
We'll walk the tight rope together
and swing on the trapeze
everyone will say how lovely you are
as they laugh at me
Yes, let's get lost
Let's run away
We'll leave this world behind
to live in castles in Spain
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
Mantra 5/28/10
Like a mantra
the words that always echo inside
make their way to my unwilling lips t
o be asked of the beautiful, stupid moon
"What am I doing with my life?"
The ever present question always
unanswered except for the simple words
finding their way to my unwilling lips
"It's better than the alternative."
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
For C. 5/27/10
She makes her way to the dark woods
the windy moors
The blank places on the map
where dragons be
Not for her the birdsong or the dappled glen
The gentle stream
No, she is the torrent and the tussle
The wild places and barren lands
The world sees only her face
Bewitched and beguiled by the beauty
Desired and demanded
She is just a commodity to be taken and used
and then discarded
No better am I
this much I know
Though perhaps not just by the beauty caught
Seduced instead by the sadness
as is my way,
for I too have dwelt in the dark woods
The windy moors
and the blank places on the map
where dragons be
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
Grapefine, Sunrise, Wildflowers 5/26/10
The sun rises over the harsh mountain landscape
climbing upward
not yet reaching the stink of Bakersfield
brown and grey and dry
When suddenly bursting bright purple
covering the horizon promising hope
that worm in the soul
Maybe this day something good will happen
perhaps this is not the end
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
What kind of fool decides in his forties
that what he really wants to be
is a poet
Fortune's foe?
A friend to all follies?
What kind of fool?
This kind
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
Balance 6/1/10
Standing on an edge
wondering about the fall
feeling the wind against my face
thinking about a time long ago
if not very far away
perhaps this too shall pass
but for now
I am balanced
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
For Jennifer F. 5/31/10
Motionless
Yet with fire and movement
She holds the pose
relaxed, never stiff f
illing the canvas with life
and creating art
out of stillness
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
A Haiku 5/30/10
Night blooming jasmine
drifting in the air tonight
and I think of you
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
Lets Get Lost 5/29/10
Lets get lost
Lets run away
though there are no circuses left to join
We'll create our own
just you and I
We'll walk the tight rope together
and swing on the trapeze
everyone will say how lovely you are
as they laugh at me
Yes, let's get lost
Let's run away
We'll leave this world behind
to live in castles in Spain
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
Mantra 5/28/10
Like a mantra
the words that always echo inside
make their way to my unwilling lips t
o be asked of the beautiful, stupid moon
"What am I doing with my life?"
The ever present question always
unanswered except for the simple words
finding their way to my unwilling lips
"It's better than the alternative."
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
For C. 5/27/10
She makes her way to the dark woods
the windy moors
The blank places on the map
where dragons be
Not for her the birdsong or the dappled glen
The gentle stream
No, she is the torrent and the tussle
The wild places and barren lands
The world sees only her face
Bewitched and beguiled by the beauty
Desired and demanded
She is just a commodity to be taken and used
and then discarded
No better am I
this much I know
Though perhaps not just by the beauty caught
Seduced instead by the sadness
as is my way,
for I too have dwelt in the dark woods
The windy moors
and the blank places on the map
where dragons be
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
Grapefine, Sunrise, Wildflowers 5/26/10
The sun rises over the harsh mountain landscape
climbing upward
not yet reaching the stink of Bakersfield
brown and grey and dry
When suddenly bursting bright purple
covering the horizon promising hope
that worm in the soul
Maybe this day something good will happen
perhaps this is not the end
Copyright Ryan Cole 2010
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